15 Tips To Become Addicted To Your Partner

There is a common adage that states that a whore is always a whore, but people seem to forget that one thing that is constant is life is changes. And anyone can change from been a bad person to become a better person for life. Today we are sharing a useful tip that can make people to become a faithful partner, if you like the tips, please don’t forget to share.

1.       Love your partner with all your heart, body, soul and spirit. For you to have the mindset of faithfulness you must totally love your partner with all you got.

2.       Never spend too much time admiring another woman less you will lust after them.

3.       Avoid close female/ male friends that have unlimited access to you. Temptation come when they are just too close beyond normal friendship. Anything can happen at any secret time, so avoid it, so they don’t misinterpret your emotions.

4.       Never Compare your partner to any other person, whether they are richer or better than your partner. Appreciate your partner the way they are. When you are married, remember your ex means expired lover. And any thing that has expired is poisonous. Never compare your ex with your hubby or wife.

5.       Always look into the eyes of your partner when having sex. Research has shown that 85% of people that have sex with their partner, 80% of their heart is not with their partner. They are either thinking of someone else or the pornography that they have watched. So always look into their eyes and store the memory in your heart.

6.       Always say I love you. Show that you love them, let them see it that you truly love them.

7.       Anything you see and desire in any other woman try and put it in your partner so that they can always be the one that has all the quality you desire.

8.       Whenever the feeling of lust arises for any other woman, go home and have sex with your wife, continuous sex will remove your mind from any other person.

9.       There is likely to be a reduced sex drive with your partner when you get married. So, learn to accept it and stop complaining. there is more responsibility at hand when you get married than when you were single. enjoy yourself whenever you have the time.

10.   If you want to stop masturbation, never watch pornography alone. Always call your partner to join you, the rest is history.

11.   Always impress your partner with gift. You don't need to be as rich as Dangote to be able to make your wife feel comfortable. Buy them any little thing you can, they will appreciate it

12.   Avoid having a side chic, a side-line side bae will slowly reduce the percentage of the love you have for your wife/ hubby.

13.   Always pray for each other. We are living in a world full of temptation. All the above will secure the physical body and the mind, but only prayers will secure the spiritual. Always prays for your partner.

14.   When you are on outing, drink alcohol according to your gauge. Drink is sweet, but once it is uncontrollable, anything can happen when someone is drunk. So, drink according to your gauge.

15.   No matter the night life and fun!! Always go back home to stay with your family. Too much of staying alone in the hotel may lead to temptation. Always go back to the house unless you are totally out of town.

Does Love Really Change A Person Inbuilt Character?

Everyone is born with a distinguishing quality or character that belongs to only them that can never change, no matter the place they find themselves. They can hide the trait for a while, pretend not to have it because of what they want to get from their partner. Sometimes, they may try to forcefully stop it, but over the years, they realise that they never change from their true self. Please don’t blame them, because that’s the real them, anything outside that is fake.

The effect on people character result from the environment, the family, the culture they grew up with, the things they involve themselves in while growing up. This act and habit becomes part of them, it either make others to rate them as good or bad. Nevertheless, one thing I have come to understand in life is, whether you are good, ugly or bad, there is someone created to love you the way you are.

We have seen scenarios where people go into relationship and marriages with the hope that their partner would change, or they can change their partner in marriage.  If you believe a man or lady would absolutely change from who they are to what you want after marriage, you are just deceiving yourself. Experience has shown that if they can’t change in courtship don’t expect them to totally change in marriage. The little things you dislike and complain about now, if you refuse to tackle it when you are still dating, it would turn into a bigger issue when you finally get married.

A good courtship is the bedrock of a successful marriage. But, most people that knows ‘’love is blind’’ seem to notice the negative trait in their partner that do not conform with their principles, yet they fail to curb it. You know the criteria you need in a life partner, you know your weakness, and you need someone that would complete you. Someone to rely on, someone to trust, when you meet someone with a diverse character, and you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, you need to know how to change them so that both of you can fit.

Marriage is eternal, you are not supposed to get married and divorce. So, before you jump into it, endeavour to tackle any trait you don’t like. Learn to tackle things while you are still dating, tackle it now or never, you know what you don’t like in a partner, say it out, express yourself. If they can’t change while you are dating, they may never change in marriage.

If you are not getting that joy, the money and comfort while dating, don't expect to get it in marriage. If they do not place you as high priority in courtship do not expect it in marriage. If they beat while dating, expect it in marriage. it is a give and take thing, majority of the things you get while dating gets bigger or decreases in marriage. That’s why you need a real partner, a staright forwarward partner not a pretender.

So, know what you want, know what you can and can’t tolerate. Majority of divorce is as a result of intolerable unchangeable attitude that they fail to tackle while dating.

There are two ways to tackle the problem.

1.    Teach them what you want and ensure they change: There are some unpleasant attitude, actions or habit that some people cannot take in their partner. Some people don’t like someone that drinks alcohol, someone that smokes, a talkative, a hot-tempered person, stingy partner, a luxurious spender, some hate this habit and character because of their religious or cultural belief.

You know the trait you don’t like. When you finally meet the one you love. You need to tell them the truth and give them the reasons why you don’t like that bad habit, and trait they possess. Bear it in mind that they will not automatically change, it takes a gradual process. Just give them time, tell them how much you love them and how their changes can make your love world a better place on earth.

You can put them in prayers as some habit or trait might be spiritual, so pray for them to change. With time they will change. note that, 80% of them that change are those that were not born with the trait. They learned it while growing up. They pick it up from the society. They will change because of their love for you.

2.    Love them the way they are: True love can calm some people down, it can reduce their reaction, but can never change them. When you come across a lover that refuses to change, you need to understand their person, and know that, no one is perfect. Sometimes their negative trait might be useful when the need arise.

That trait or habit you don’t like, there are others out there that truly likes them the way they are. While don’t you try and show some love and accept them the way they are. Statistic has shown that happily married couples that live for 30 to 40 years in marriage and moree are those that accept their partner the way they are. They are rough, tough, bad as some other people may rate them, but they love eachother the way they are because they do not pretend.

Therefore, you need to like them for been original.  Understand their character, appreciate them, and you will have a total peace of mind.

Marriage is sweet, although it may not be rosy at all time, it is glorious. Decisively, ensure to tackle the things you cannot carry into marriage and try to accept your partner the way they are before you propose or say, Yes, I do. People that pretend before marriage always show their true colours after marriage. Don’t allow anyone to bamboozle you that they are better than the one you think are bad. Get wisdom, get understanding. Love is free, your happiness matters a lot in marriage.

6 Things To Avoid To Have A Happy Home.

The day you lay your hand on your wife, you lay your hand on yourself. Because Marriage makes both of you to be one, you made the vows, don't break it. If you beat up your wife mercilessly, know that you are offending God. If you don't love her, why then did you marry her? If you think you made a mistake, why then did you fall in love with her? After these years of sweet togetherness, why the sudden hatred?

If she nag too much, walk away. Women only have mouth to boast and talk, they don't have strength to fight. Whenever they tell you, ''you can’t touch me, you can’t beat me, i will show you, my family will deal with you, or try it, I swear, I will do this n that.’’ please don't listen to them, just try not to let them push you to that point where you use violence. Walk away from them if you can’t bear it.

Six things to avoid to have a peaceful home;

1. Not all advice from your family members about your wife/husband should be acceptable, watch it, so you don't start having issues in your home.

2. Not all information from outsiders like friends, neighbors you should listen to, watch it, so that they don't sow the wrong seed in your heart.

3. Be contented with what you have, and be focus in where you are going to in life.

4. Don't CHEAT. Cheating is one of the things that can break your feelings for your partner. Run away from it.

5. Always forgive each other easily, nobody is perfect, there is a possibility of making the wrong decision sometimes, try and forgive and restore the love and peace in your home.

6. Never repeat the same mistake, lets it becomes a habit, don't take your partner for a fool, and respect them.

Remember, everyone is not happy that you have a lovely perfect home, there are so many homes that are trying to be like yours, and there are many ladies / men out there that are ready to break that happiness. Be wise, they may be very close to you. Stop telling people about your family, have some secrets.

15 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD DELAY SEX IN A RELATIONSHIP

Sex has become one of the major reasons why most people are going into a relationship. 95% of men that says you are beautiful have actually seen beyond what you can see.  Some ladies have given their body out because they are scared of losing the one they love, in the end, majority of them still lost it.

Here are 15 reasons why you should delay sex in a relationship;

1.       Sex is not love. Sex does not prove how much you love each other.

2.       Sex is not a guarantee that you own each other’s heart, body and soul.

3.       Sex is not an avenue to totally win their heart.

4.       Sex does not mean you have totally given everything to them. They know what they want.

5.       Sex does not guarantee marriage.

6.       Delaying sex gives you more time to understand each other to know if you totally match to be together forever.

7.       Delaying sex improves your true feelings of love, It makes you to grow more natural affection for each other that lust.

8.       It shows if they truly love you for who you are and not what you have.

9.       It buys you more time to dig deep and know more about the person true background.

10.   If the relationship breaks, you still have your pride, your dignity which they will respect forever.

11.   It buys you time to understand their motives.

12.   It makes you not to look cheap and easy.

13.   It gives you time to make the right decision.

14.   It push the bad guys away, although many would stay just to get what they want, but as times goes on when they know you are different not a pretender, its either they leave and go for someone else that will give it to them cheaply or they will fall in love with you because you are rare.

15.   Sex is a spiritual bond, its goes beyond the physical pleasure. So give it to someone you want to be tied together forever. Not just any mouth lip lover.

Believe me, you are highly respected when they can’t have you, and you will definitely be proud of yourself. Sex is more pleasurable in marriage.  Go for someone that is ready to sacrifice all they have just to have you as their life partner, someone that truly love you for who you are, not because they want to have sex with you, but because they want you

for life.

ROMANTIC VALENTINE MESSAGES

1)     😍 Distance is like a nuclear weapon send to destroy the island of love. Seconds turns into hours, hours turn into day, days turns into week, weeks turn into months, and months turns into years. Yet my love for you remains strong Just as the first day we fell in love. I miss you so much, Happy valentine.😗

      

 

 2)      😘My love I wish I am there with you, the weather is cool, the day is colourful, today is ours. today valentines day is the same day we begin our love life. We are plus one in our sweetness of love today. Happy valentine day.😍

3)     💗 You are my everyday gift. Whenever I look at the mirror I see a reflection of you, you are the reason I am in the realm of love, the reason why I'm in love. happy valentine day💗

4)      😍There are some people we miss in life, those we love. even though it doesn’t turn out well, we know in our heart we have strong feelings for them. My dear, this is just to let you know how much you mean to me. You are more than a friend, more than a brother/ sister; you are like my flesh, the bone of my bones. I miss you, happy valentine.💗

5)      💝A good friend is the one that remembers you, even when you don’t remember them. They are the ones that cherish your presence & absence. The one that appreciate every little thing you do.my dear  you have never been forgotten: every day I still think about you. I am that good friend, that have always adores you. Happy valentine.😍

             

6)      😍Life has thought me that you can run away from your home, but          you    can’t run away from your destiny, you can run away from your        reflection on the mirror; but you can’t run away from yourself, you can run  away from falling in love, but you can’t run away from your heart. I have tried  to run away from you, but still i cant stop my feelings for you, I need you in my life,  happy valentine.😗

     

   7)      😘My heart is stronger than the rock, my lips are tightly sealed, my heart can see, yet it can’t stare at you for long. All these feelings I have hidden from you. Today is valentine’s day, a lover’s day, I want to start my love life with you. Will you be my valentine?😍

      

       8)      💙The birds whistle, the fowl crows, babies’ chuckles, the rain rush.. Each time I see you, my heart freezes. Something awesome moves through me. For a moment, I pause to think of the kick, the hat, the drum, the guitar and the piano my heart plays for you. It is a sweet rhythm of love. A feeling for only a queen like you. Happy valentine. love you so much.💚

     9)      💛 Relationship is a battlefield; it is either we win or lose. Many have lost the battle before it began, many lost it while on the field, but it has been years now, I am still winning & will continue to win because I have you as my perfect life partner. Happy valentine💧.

 10) My love, valentine fell in a day that my boss will not allow me to see you in the early hours. Am just smiling, feeling greatly happy, dancing and bubbling. Guest what? I am happy because every day with you is my valentine day. I can’t wait to see you today... love you.💋

   

THE THREE (3) STAGES OF LOVE.

Love is a word we hear every day, it is a feeling everyone feel, it is a word we wish people should always truthfully tell us. when we are ripe of age, we fall in love with someone we feel are the best for us. But most times, loves disappoint us because we fail to understand that there are stages of love. Not until you understand the stages of love, you will keep getting hurt by the feelings of love. here are the three (3) stages of love.

1) STAGE ONE - FALLING IN LOVE: Falling in love is the first phase of love. As we grow older in life there is a tendency that we will fall in love with someone we desire or someone we do not desire from the onset but as times goes by, we fall in love with them. This stage seems to be the most memorable and sweetest of all stage. the warmth feeling is like that of a new born baby that everyone cares about, you don’t think love can hurt, no pain, all you talk about and need is the one you love. you gradually become foolish and can do everything just to make your partner happy. But is this feeling really it. Does falling in love means you will stay together forever, NO.

Facts has shown that falling in love with someone does not guarantee that that person is the one we would marry. We fall in love with different motive to different people, but love is beyond our personal imagination, its beyond our self-interest, its beyond what we/they want, it is beyond what/how we feel. when love is on fire from the onset and looks so perfect, be careful. Always ask yourself does he/she really love me as he/she claims? Do you really think they love you as they claim? Are you sure they are ready for a lifetime relationship with you? What is the probability that you will not be separated?

Falling in love is a good thing, but remember people fall in and out of love; when you fall in love know that it is just the first stage of love, it is not the future, it doesn’t mean the relationship must end well, times is the core evident that will tell. if the two partners make their decision, they can grow from just falling in love.

Remember, you can fall in love over and over again, so don’t think is only that person you can fall in love with; Falling in love is human nature. if falling in love doesn’t guarantee love, what then is true love. This lead us to stage two.

2)  STAGE TWO – LIVING IN LOVE: Living in love is a very exotic stage in love. We feel loved, we fall in love, and wish the feelings never dies. But, what happen after the love at first sight, after the first month, the first year, the passion, the sex, the emotional connectivity. What’s next after falling in love? We live together.

Living together does not really imply staying with each other in the same house, it means the time and effort we spent loving that special person, the spirit of always wanting them around, they live in us so we give them room to control our being.

Living in love is the ability to stay in a relationship, it is the process of building the relationship. Living in love goes beyond falling in love, this is what expectant liable matured minds do. The don’t just fall in love, they live in it (stay together)

Living in love shows you are capable to live together.  you grow to understand each other differences. You accept the ones you can and change the ones that you can’t accept. You become very tolerant, what you can’t tolerate from another person, you start tolerating it. You try and become faithful to each other, you obey each other, and try to make decisions together. You start introducing yourself to your friends, your family members, your colleagues. People begins to admires your love life. Living in love is sweet, you feel it’s alright and you would be together forever, but does that guarantee you two would be together forever, NO.

Living in love is just a second stage of the feelings of love. Anything can happen: the forceful barriers of love like family, religion, personal goals and interest, impatient, boredom, the fear of the future etc. can change the mind-set of one of the partner and call the shot for separation. When you are living in love, you are still alive, vibrant, free and accommodating. You can still have feelings for someone else, you can still fall in love with someone else or have sex with someone else if you have the slightest opportunity.

Living in love shows we all need a partner, we want someone to love us, someone to call our lover, someone to tell others is our partner, but does that really join us together forever. Just as society changes with time, some people emotion changes with time. So with all the cooing and booing, the living together, friends and family intervening while is living in love not the final feelings of love.

3) STAGE THREE: KEEPING THE FEELINGS OF LOVE: this is the third and final stage of love. In fact, this is the true meaning of love, the only thing that join two different being together. You can fall in and out of love, you can live in love and be living together and still fall out of it in due time, but if you are able to nurture your feelings, grow together, exchange your hearts and decide to go the extra miles to be together you are definitely keeping the feelings of love.

Keeping the feeling of love is the unbreakable spirit of love, it is the unchangeable feelings, the indispensable undeniable feelings of love. Keeping the feelings brings happiness, despite the present downtrodden situation, you have hope against hope in the one you love. You never losses feelings, you surrender your heart for better or worse. You become strong and encourage each other. this is what lead to marriage, when we have someone that truly shares our feelings.

you need to understand that you don’t just fall in love, you don’t just live in love, you keep that feelings, the fire of love keeps on burning every, its unquenchable. Keeping the feelings of love makes you to listen to each other, it makes you to work as a team. Despite the temptation, the fighting, the quarrel, the difference, in our heart we know they are still the best, so we settle immediately. All the tsunami of love that breaks falling in love cannot stop a strong heart that has kept the feelings of their lover. And years after years your feelings for each other is as the first day you fell in love. Your passion never fades, even in fifty years’ time you are still the same love birds. This is the feelings our parent of old has, they summit themselves to each other, they listen and respect each other. that is why, no breakup, no divorce till death do they part.

Conclusively, to safeguard our heart know that when we fall in love, it is just the first stage of love. We need to consider if the relationship will lead to marriage. Falling in love is sometimes beyond our power and expectation, but what are we expecting in return. We need to be love back. So we decide to live in love. Living in love could actually lead to keeping the feelings of love if both partners has decided to love each other despite the resistant forces of love. Try and get used to each other character, learn to tolerate each other, don’t cheat, don’t lie. Grow to keeping the feelings of love.

Keeping the feelings of love is a personal decision, it can also come when we finally meet the right person. when we find the right partner and study to know they truly love us, learn to nurture your feelings. Watch your partner if they are keeping the feelings of love, or just in love with you, if they like you the way you are not ready to take the relationship to the next level they are not ready to keep you in their heart forever.

Keeping the feelings of love is to be satisfied with the one you love. So let’s learn to keep the feelings after falling in love.

FEELINGS!

Feelings!!! My thick feelings flies around the air, confused and frustrated, still silent but speak in tongues. A body language only my eyes could speak, only my smile feels, only my concern could elaborate.

Feelings run high; it’s like an uncontrollable current that moves past the earth. It is as bright as a glowing star. As hot as the sun, as humble as an innocent child, but can be sighted if only you feel the same way too.

My feelings Rises more than the dark night rises. Seeing you alone, my hearts pause and speak but only a deaf could hear. I wish you were already mine, I wish am bold enough to tell you, how beautiful you look, how desperate I want you, how much I need your hug, your kiss, your touch. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. My feeling is always here for you.

Whenever we are together I feel you. When you come closer to me, there power in you that connect my heart to yours. I can't look at you twice, because I know you've suddenly swept me off my feet. I always love talking to you it makes my feelings to be evergreen.

This is what I wish every day. I wish you feel like me. I wish our heart thinks the same. I wish we are the same then our feelings will never fail us because two bright lovers make the world sweet.

My feelings are sweet, they are real, but I don't want to be hurt again. let me keep my feelings to myself, let me keep my thought to myself, I will still miss you as I've always miss your absence even if I don't tell you. You are now the sweetheart, my angel of my life....

I Love you!Feelings!!! My thick feelings flies around the air, confused and frustrated, still silent but speak in tongues. A body language only my eyes could speak, only my smile feel, only my concern could elaborate.

Feelings run high, its like an uncontrollable current that moves past the earth. It is as bright as a glowing star. As hot as the sun and as humble as an innocent child but you can only see it, if only you feel the same way too.

My feelings Rises more than the dark night rises. seeing you alone, my heart pause and speaks  but only a deaf could hear. I wish you were already mine, I wish am bold enough to tell you, how beautiful you look, how desperate I want you, how much  I need your hug, your kiss, your touch. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. My feelings is always here for you.

Whenever we are together I feel you. When you come closer to me, there a power in you that connect my heart to yours. I can't look at you twice, because I know you've suddenly swept me off my feet. I always love talking to you it makes my feelings to be evergreen.

This is what I wish everyday. I wish you feel like me. I wish our heart thinks the same. I wish we are the same, then our feelings will never fail us. Because two bright lovers makes the world sweet.

My feelings are sweet, they are real, but I don't want to be hurt again. let me keep my feelings to myself, let me keep my thought to myself, I will still miss you as I've always miss your absence even if I don't tell you. You are now the sweetheart, my angel of my life....

I Love you!Feelings!!! My thick feelings flies around the air, confused and frustrated, still silent but speak in tongues. A body language only my eyes could speak, only my smile feel, only my concern could elaborate.

Feelings run high, its like an uncontrollable current that moves past the earth. It is as bright as a glowing star. As hot as the sun and as humble as an innocent child but you can only see it, if only you feel the same way too.

My feelings Rises more than the dark night rises. seeing you alone, my heart pause and speaks  but only a deaf could hear. I wish you were already mine, I wish am bold enough to tell you, how beautiful you look, how desperate I want you, how much  I need your hug, your kiss, your touch. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. My feelings is always here for you.

Whenever we are together I feel you. When you come closer to me, there a power in you that connect my heart to yours. I can't look at you twice, because I know you've suddenly swept me off my feet. I always love talking to you it makes my feelings to be evergreen.

This is what I wish everyday. I wish you feel like me. I wish our heart thinks the same. I wish we are the same, then our feelings will never fail us. Because two bright lovers makes the world sweet.

My feelings are sweet, they are real, but I don't want to be hurt again. let me keep my feelings to myself, let me keep my thought to myself, I will still miss you as I've always miss your absence even if I don't tell you. You are now the sweetheart, my angel of my life....

I Love you!Feelings!!! My thick feelings flies around the air, confused and frustrated, still silent but speak in tongues. A body language only my eyes could speak, only my smile feel, only my concern could elaborate.

Feelings run high, its like an uncontrollable current that moves past the earth. It is as bright as a glowing star. As hot as the sun and as humble as an innocent child but you can only see it, if only you feel the same way too.

My feelings Rises more than the dark night rises. seeing you alone, my heart pause and speaks  but only a deaf could hear. I wish you were already mine, I wish am bold enough to tell you, how beautiful you look, how desperate I want you, how much  I need your hug, your kiss, your touch. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. My feelings is always here for you.

Whenever we are together I feel you. When you come closer to me, there a power in you that connect my heart to yours. I can't look at you twice, because I know you've suddenly swept me off my feet. I always love talking to you it makes my feelings to be evergreen.

This is what I wish everyday. I wish you feel like me. I wish our heart thinks the same. I wish we are the same, then our feelings will never fail us. Because two bright lovers makes the world sweet.

My feelings are sweet, they are real, but I don't want to be hurt again. let me keep my feelings to myself, let me keep my thought to myself, I will still miss you as I've always miss your absence even if I don't tell you. You are now the sweetheart, my angel of my life....

I Love you!

HOW TO TOTALLY OWN A LADY

The challenge in satisfying this desire is that the feeling of “safe” is sometimes generated from opposing dynamics, and this can create conflict. How a woman feels with a man can change moment to moment depending on these opposing forces This can lead to confusion about what she wants. It can also confuse the man as she appears to want two different things. If we become aware of the conflicting beliefs paradigms this can begin to make a lot more sense and clear up the confusion.Love, acceptance, respect, to be desired, security, passion, are all things a woman may want in her relationship.  As a matter of fact these are basics that probably everyone wants. There are certainly others and each person has specific desires.  What I want to focus on here is the specific aspect of emotional safety in relationships.

First let’s understand some of the aspects that create a feeling of safety in a relationship. A man’s unconditional acceptance of a woman means that there is no judgment and criticism. She can communicate honestly, be herself, and feel emotionally safe. There are also physical and financial factors that can appeal to a woman’s sense of safety. Sometimes a woman will trade one of these comforts for another in her relationship. It is emotional safety that I want to address. It is the one that creates a great deal of confusion.

A confident man creates the feeling of trust with a woman. A woman will feel emotionally safe with a man who is emotionally available, honest, trustworthy and authentic. These are emotional character strengths she can respect and admire in a man. A man of character and emotional depth is a man who knows who he is and likes himself. His love for himself is so strong he does not need to gain the acceptance of others by trying to be something he is not. His strength is not physical so much as it is in the clarity of his mind and emotions. These are character strengths that a woman not only admires, but feels safe with. He is not a weak man that will bend to the whims of other people. She can trust him to be who he is. I describe this kind of man as being in his emotional integrity.

A woman feels safe if she believes the relationship is going somewhere.
A different factor for women that creates safety is her trust that the relationship is solid and will work out. When a man spends time doing activities as simple as cleaning house and cooking together it sends a message that he is committed to being with her. It is wasteful to invest her time with someone that may be gone soon. You want to know if your prospective partner has the capacity and willingness to match you for a deeper emotional commitment.

There is also the fear that if after getting emotionally invested in a man there will be a break up. It makes sense for us to wonder where the relationship is going. Sometimes a woman wants to be “safe” from the potential pain of a broken heart. She wants to avoid the emotions associated with being alone. This kind of safety is really about protecting herself from the painful emotions that come from her fears of break up and being alone. When a man is distant emotionally or physically from her it may bring up feelings of loneliness, or fear of a break up. Seeking this type of emotional safety can lead to emotional drama.

Fears and insecurity in relationship takes a woman out of her emotional integrity.
In order to avoid her fears of being alone the woman may make efforts to keep her man close. It might be a criticism for going out with the boys for an evening. By discouraging him to do other things she is increasing their time together. A critical comment is a means to reject his behavior so he would avoid criticism in the future. Becoming sad is a way for the man to notice her and get what she wants. If there is a lot of emotional charge the dynamic might include anger or jealousy. It is possible the man ends up feeling guilty for having done the “wrong” thing that caused her to be upset. The man may want to avoid the night out with the boys just so he doesn’t have to deal with her emotional reaction.

The Downside of getting what she wants
If a woman engages in such efforts and is successful in controlling her man she will have influenced his behavior by her emotional reactions. With influence over his emotions she will have influence over what he does with his time. He will learn to avoid the activities that bring emotional reactions and criticism and do the things that she approves of. They will spend more time together which will help her to feel solid in the relationship. It also distracts herself from the fear of being alone. In one part of her mind she has helped their relationship, but she has unknowingly created a separate feeling of not being safe.

When a woman see’s that she can modify her man’s behavior she might perceive him as not being as strong. She will see him as someone that gives up his interests, runs around trying to make her happy. He has stopped being his authentic self and started being what she wants him to be. At some level she perceives him as no longer being his own man. She could perceive him as having weak character and could lose respect for him. More importantly she will not feel safe with a man she sees as having a weak character. Some women will conclude that if they can influence or control their man then other women will also be able to control and influence him as well. All of this adds up to losing respect and trust in the man.

One assumption sometimes deep in the mind is that the stronger person controls the weaker person. If she can direct him then he must be weaker than her. This image of weakness is amplified if the woman already considers her self as weak to begin with. The loss of trust in her man’s strength may not be conscious to her, but at some level it affects her feeling of safety with him.

On the one hand the woman has driven her man to be near her so that she can feel secure in the relationship. On the other hand because she now perceives her man to be controlled by her emotional reactions she no longer sees him as a solid foundation of strength.

Desire for closeness is from our emotional integrity but can also be from fear
A woman’s desire to be in close companionship with a partner can come from her emotional integrity. The desire to spend time with a partner to have fun and create together can be completely authentic. When in her emotional integrity the sense of safety she feels is normal because together they are a stronger force than if she were alone. She is out of her emotional integrity when her motivation for time together is for protection from fears of being alone.

A woman in her emotional integrity is free to ask for what she wants, and that includes spending time with her partner. It can sometimes be very difficult to discern whether we are acting on behalf of what we desire, or on behalf of fear avoiding. One way to measure is to observe the emotional reaction when we don’t’ get what we want.

The situation looks impossible. If the man acquiesces he may appear weak to her. If he doesn’t then it appears that he doesn’t care. For the woman it is also impossible. If she doesn’t make an effort to bring him close she may feel fearful and uncomfortable with being alone. If she works to keep the man close she is acting out of fear and runs the risk of being controlling and losing respect for herself and her man.

Giving up limiting fear based beliefs
It only looks impossible if we limit our options to the compensating strategies of control. If we are to find true happiness in our relationships it will require dissolving the beliefs and assumptions that create the painful fears and controlling behaviors. We will have to seek an emotional solution beyond what the mind offers as safety from fear.

Great Love in Relationship is present when there is no fear.
The fears of being alone are coupled with assumptions and beliefs about the experience and ourselves. Those beliefs usually involve not being good enough, unworthy, self rejection, and other people rejecting us. This is the painful emotion that people are seeking protection and safety from. These beliefs are lies and only exist in the mind. Just for starters there have been many times when we have been alone and been happy. We have just learned to associate being alone with misery. When core beliefs of self rejection are dissolved there is no longer any fear of being alone and there is ample room for self acceptance and self love. Changing beliefs also eliminates the need and behavior of being controlling to our partner. Great Love thrives in the absence of fear.

What motivates the man to be with his woman?
There is ample material here to talk about the man’s half of the relationship. The man’s motives and his integrity with himself are completely unknown. He might respond to the request of his woman just because he loves her and desires her to be happy. In this way he is completely in his emotional integrity. However a man that is uncomfortable with her reactions or feels guilty may be out of his emotional integrity. Even though his actions to be with her are the same the motivations are different. What is happening in the man’s mind, beliefs, and emotions is a completely separate dynamic. This example has more to do with the woman’s perception of her man, than the man himself.

In my perception a small percentage of men actually live in their emotional integrity. It is the man’s loss. Not only is the emotional quality of life much more beautiful, but it imbues to a woman something that is very attractive to her. In the depth of her emotional integrity a woman desires to be with a man of emotional depth. Not all women are comfortable here but at some level they are yearning for a deep emotional connection.

A woman can choose to wait for a man with the character and integrity that she respects and wants. But as she waits she should prepare herself as well. Being with a man of integrity will not be like being with other men. He will be seeking a partner that will treat him with the same level of unconditional love with which he treats himself. If she brings her judgments, fears, and emotional reactions to the relationship, he may decide that he would rather be with someone else.

When a woman asks where the relationship is going there are often different parts of her asking. Authentically she will want to know if the man has the emotional depth for greater commitment, or if fear keeps him trapped. But she might also be asking because her fears are driving her mind to search for symbols of safety in relationship. In this case her motivation to know may be more about fear than about depth.

As you begin to evaluate these elements in your relationships, begin by asking what your own motivations are. To do this effectively you will need to be aware of your emotions and not the story in your mind. The story in the mind is too often the denial system or one of the transient voices in our head. You will be much more effective in being aware of another once you become self aware of your own emotional motivations, and beliefs. Whenever you evaluate your relationships, begin by looking at your half.

To gain mastery over your half of the relationship, including your perceptions, expectations, thoughts, beliefs and emotions, begin by practicing the exercises.